Fresh Spin

If you were to compare Tony Greig to a flower - a pastime which the Spin can confirm helps while away the hours spent in Indian airports - then shrinking violet would not be top of the list. A dangerous liaison with Kerry Packer; the running-out of Alvin Kallicharran at Port of Spain in 1973-74 as the batsman headed off to the pavilion following the last ball of the day; the promise to make West Indies "grovel" in 1976 (England lost 3-0); and any number of ear-splitting announcements that the batsman has hit the ball for six seconds before he is caught on the boundary. Yes, pansy would not quite do the job either.

So the Spin was surprised to hear Greig complaining about the ferocity of Australia's sledging during their second-Test win over South Africa at Durban recently. "I have never $*&!GBP@# heard anything like it," he said, give or take a few asterisks and ampersands, at a formal lunch in Johannesburg. "We turned that stump mic up and we could hear every word out in the centre and it was unbelievable. It really was absolutely unbelievable. The Aussies love it."

While the Spin wondered whether Greig, a notorious Aussie-baiter who likes nothing better than to wind up his co-commentator Bill Lawry, had been listening when Andre Nel got stuck into Adam Gilchrist because Gilchrist was taking him to the cleaners, Greig continued: "The whole thing is getting out of hand. The time has seriously come for the authorities in the game to start to rethink the question of what players are allowed to say on the field." Just imagine! Five penalty runs added to the opposition's score for the f-word, 10 for the c-word, and runs added to your own team's total if you are overheard complimenting a fine stroke or a capital piece of fielding, sir.

There is little question that this will catch on in Australia, even if Mike Hussey reacted to Greig's comments by complaining the stump mikes should never have been turned up in the first place. "It is difficult, because you do get emotional on the field and there are going to be things said and done," he said with an almost audible wink. "Some things certainly aren't appropriate for young listeners."
Whether he was referring to Greig's commentary is another matter. With love from our Dear, dear friend Lawrence 'Very funny' Booth.