Absolutely bitchy Andrew Miller

Absolutely fabulous, darling If there are endorsements up for grabs then Kevin Pietersen won't be far from the action. Sure enough, he was back on the prowl in Knightsbridge this week, as he and his popstar fiancée, Jessica Taylor, continued their one-couple mission to become cricket's equivalent of Wayne and Coleen. For the record, Kev and Jess spent the day at that most WAG-tastic of destinations, Harvey Nichols, "indulging in the latest fashion and beauty 'must haves' before retiring to the exclusive Fifth Floor for a well-deserved cocktail," simpered one of the more spurious press releases of the year. But how, pray, did they get there? "It couldn't be simpler," added the mystery wordsmith. "Flag down one of a complementary fleet of Volkswagen Eos, climb aboard and state 'take me to Harvey Nichols!'" Never mind Posh and Becks. It's all a bit Patsy and Edina, if you ask me. (With abolutely no love from Cricinfo.com)