Materazzi urges Kapil to try pasta

In a move designed to bring the two different sports loving nations even closer together, the Mandu from Italy, Marco Materazzi has put forward some revolutionary proposals for Kapil Dev. Materazzi, who doesn't know a thing about cricket and is not interested in knowing anything more, has taken it upon himself to introduce Kapil to the joys of pasta.

The Mandu from Italy firmly believes the great bowler of yesteryears from India, and current joker in the media, is not being fair to pasta by refusing to experiment with it. When asked to elaborate further he said, "I haven't a clue who the Kapil Dev is, but I certainly the know a thing or two about the pasta. Pasta doesn't deserve the ignorance that the Kapil Dev is giving it. He could so easily have the declined to try the food from the Russia or the Poland or the Romania. Saying no to the pasta reveals a lack of the reciprocal understanding of international relations. I did not the call the Kapil, the mother of the Kapil and the sister of the Kapil any names. By refusing to try my the pasta, the Kapil is hurting me more than the Zidane could ever have." he whined. He added after we left that which we cannot bring you because we had left for the Kapil's reciprocal views on the international incident.

In case some of you are wondering what the global food fight is all about, here's the low down. Kapil, when queried for yet another howler on the state of Indian cricket said, "If someone tells me that pasta is good for me, I may not agree." After a great deal of strenuous analysis, we believe this might have been Kapil's way of taking a dig at Greg Chappell, MBE, and his experiments with the Indian cricket team, which Kapil believes are too foreign for Indians. While Greg Chappell, MBE, and every other sensible person has, predictably, ignored this donkey drop from the great howler, the emotional Mandu from Italy, obviously couldn't.

Meanwhile, the Mandu from Italy hasn't stopped talking from the time he heard of this international slight from a gent he knows nothing about. After a few months we decided to get back to Mandu and see if he had finished talking and ask for his closing arguments on the matter. He hadn't. From the time we left off, he was continuing and here's where we found him, "I have tried the butter chicken. I have tried the curry. I have tried the chappatti. I have tried the red Indian. I have tried the Su Sri. I have tried the Indian women. I have tried..." While he continued in this vein, we tried to be discreet about it and made a quick getaway. We now understand why Zizou headbutted the screeching, irritating gent.

On the discreet flight back from Milan to India, we chanced upon Rahul Dravid hidden behind his backfoot and under a book witten in Australese. We sidled up to him and asked him what he had to say about Kapil Dev's views on Indian cricket. He looked at us, dug into his bag, fished out a picture of Greg Chappell, MBE, and defensively suggested we discuss it over a beer after the day's play and with Greg Chappell, MBE, looking on watchfully. Perhaps this was Rahul's way of experimenting with being an Aussie.

While grabbing some dinner on the way back from the airport, we espied Kapil in the same resto. He was struggling with some Pasta Arabiatta. He saw us looking at him smilingly and beckoned us over to his table. Before we could ask him anything, he told us, "This pasta is difficult, but good. Any foreign food is difficult, but good. Any foreign experiment is good, but only as long as it's like Indian Chinese." We were stunned by this wise, appetising bon-mot from the great man and were so sated by it that we thought it better than to wait for the main course.

After we recover from the extreme indigestion all this travelling and international eating has caused us, we shall bring you more reactions on the same. Until then, please stick to Indian Chinese. And away from the Mandu from the Italy.