Why England are getting tonked in the last test match

Many reasons, some of which we shall proceed to state here. If England don't get tonked, people will have little to criticise and chasten them about before the Ashes. England are getting tonked because the English fans are already thinking about the Ashes. England are getting tonked because Pakistan need to be sent back home safely. England are getting tonked because Australia always got tonked in the last match of dead rubbers. England are getting tonked because the ICC's agenda is to make sure everybody gets a piece of the action. England are getting tonked because this series was meant to be this way. England are getting tonked so that we may shout from the rooftops that every cricket match, every sport is fixed, not that anyone cares for what we say. After all, what's the fun in knowing it's all fixed when it's so much more fun to think there's a stirring contest taking place and Pakistan are making an incredible comeback. It's so easy to imagine nothing is fixed and that England just got complacent. England are getting tonked because...oh, never mind, we're tired of ranting. It's great to see Asif back in action. It's been a while since we've seen someone with such a lovely bowling action. Enjoy the action.