Why we should be a sports commentator

"Obnoxiously loud, relentlessly miserable, overly opinionated, harshly critical, unnecessarily aggressive, cynical and boorish. Also rarely describes what is going on. What's not to love?" And that's Alan Green, one of the top contenders to replace John Motson that The Fiver, The Guardian's tea time take on all things football is talking about. Take that, you...you...you...never mind. It's still not likely to get us the fucking job. Fine, at least give us the bloody writer's job.